How to Take Advice to Win
^^ Listen to a recording of the article below.
^^ Listen to a recording of our discussion about “You Need to do You Need to do to Succeed.”
I think it’s important for me to come right out and say that I’ve been on both sides of this and since I have adopted the practice I’m going to tell you about, my life is all the richer.
My life changed when I happened upon this quote about a decade ago.
“Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, add what is essentially your own.”
-Bruce Lee
Since I’m excited about productivity, workflows, pipelines, mental health, physical health, and just trying to be as awesome as personally possible, I post a lot of advice or recent discoveries online.
There’s always someone who:
1) clearly wants to do the thing
2) has a reason they can’t do the thing
3) is salty about it
...and before I took Mr. Lee’s quote to heart, this person was me.
One day, I realized that I “wasn’t winning at my life”, in the manner that I wanted. This realization came right around the end of my arm rehab and the beginning of my re-entry into the art world.
Of course, I wanted to feel like I was winning at my life - so I did what a lot of people do, ask for help online and go looking for answers and guidance.
Back then nothing was “good enough for me”. Everyone’s advice was a wrong fit for me - until I realized - of course their advice isn’t a perfect fit for me, they aren’t me!
As luck would have it, the Bruce Lee quote entered my life right about then.
Doors starting flying open for me. Suddenly, I could take the pieces that I needed to help me win at my life, get rid of the parts that weren’t a good match, and elaborate on the good pieces to further enhance my development.
This is when my art, mental health, and physical health started on an upward trend.
(Note: I didn’t say skyrocketed. I used the term “upward trend” because all this is slow burn stuff. Improvement takes time.)
As far as I can tell, we have 4 options when we are given advice:
1. Do the thing exactly as instructed
2. Modify the thing so you can do the thing in a way that works for you.
3. Accept that this thing isn’t for you, and stop feeling guilty about it.
4) Feel incredibly bitter about it and lash out at the person trying to help.
^^^ A lot of people go with number 4. I used to all the time. It doesn't help you reach your goals.
Now lets see some real world examples of this.
(Of course, this is assuming you want to do the thing)
Scenario 1
Before
“I’m super stressed out.”
“Meditation works for me.”
“I can’t do that! I can’t quiet my mind!”
____________
After
“I’m super stressed out.”
“Meditation works for me.”
“I can’t quiet my mind. Do you know how to deal with that?”
“Yeah, you can try mindful meditation which doesn’t require you to quiet your mind or only meditate for three deep breaths.”
** additionally, if they can’t answer, you can do your own research on how to do it, or speak with a doctor, therapist, or coach.
Scenario 2
Before
“You’ve lost weight, what are you doing?”
“Gymnastics”
“I can’t do that! I have a bad ankle!”
____________
After
“You’ve lost weight, what are you doing?”
“Gymnastics”
“I have a bad ankle, do you know if I could still participate?”
“I do! I have bad knees. I use this program online. It’s made for adults who may have had previous injuries.”
** additionally, if they can’t answer, you can do your own research on how to do it, or speak with a doctor, therapist, or coach.
Scenario 3
Before
“I want to improve the color in my paintings”
“There’s a fantastic class here online for that.”
“I can’t do that! I don’t have time or money for it!”
____________
After
“I want to improve the color in my paintings”
“There’s a fantastic class here online for that.”
“Thanks I’ll look into it.”
((Then, after doing their own research, they learn that the class is self paced and offers a summer sale with a huge discount. ))
Scenario 4
Let's do one without a second person. It gets a bit more abstract but it’s the same idea.
Goal: I want to be able to workout my arms.
Problem: I have pain when I do bicep curls.
Research ensues, and then:
1) Absorb what is useful - I can still work out my arms with hammer curls. They’re a lot like bicep curls but they don’t hurt me.
2) Reject what is useless - bicep curls are the only way to work out my arms so I can’t workout my arms (proven false by my research)
3) Add what is essentially your own - I discovered that band curls and cable curls also work my biceps and also don’t hurt me, I can add them in. Finally, there are lots of muscles in the arm. I can work them too.
The first scenarios I see so often and they make me sad since they just lead to the dead end of “no, I can’t”.
But with the second, there’s a chance of a “yes, I can!” and that could lead to a really good thing!
I hope this helped and let us know what you think in the comments below.
Go forth! Win!
❤️
Sarah
Written by Sarah Dahlinger
Discussed by Sarah Dahlinger and Sarah Forde