Define Who You Are
^^ Listen to a recording of the article below.
^^ Listen to a recording of our discussion about “Define Who You Are.”
New Year. New Blog. Let’s jump right into a subject that I’m sure will help improve your overall wellbeing.
Take some time and Define Who You Are.
We are constantly bombarded by things we “should” be doing, or are setting standards for ourselves that might not have even been defined by ourselves.
In my peripheral for years, this idea fully formed in my mind during a year long fitness challenge.
In order to balance my life, my career, and my fitness goals, I needed to define who I was.
Why?
Mostly because I’m like many artists: perfectionists who have had severe RSI, nerve damage, and tendonitis, and if I didn’t take a moment and mark out clear guidelines for myself, I’d end right back in PT with broken joints again.
Here’s the definition I created for myself for my fitness challenge.
“I’m an artist who regularly works out to benefit my mental health so I can make more art.”
Just doing this simple exercise, making one sentence about myself, helped me more than I could have predicted at the time. If the hard-driving perfectionist part of my mind was saying, “it’s only a little pain. Do all the lifting you planned.”, I could return to my definition, and think, “that’s not who I am. I’m an artist first, and I lift weights second. If I keep lifting and flare up my joints, I can’t make art, so it’s the right time to stop today.”
Why is this important?
Because feelings of guilt, of “not being good enough”, or “being inadequate” in any way can be alleviated by your definition. This is important. You’re human. You can’t be perfect at everything. It’s impossible, and we shouldn't feel bad about it.
I don’t workout, why should I care?
Because, this can work for anyone’s life, challenges, and goals.
Let’s do another example.
Here I’m going to pull from a bunch of people I know and make up someone named, Mary.
Mary is a mother, who is an artist, who knows that she “should be”: drawing daily, meditating, monitoring online classes, reaching new clients, getting 10k steps per day, journaling every morning before yoga, caring for her sickly elderly parents…
...just no. Something has to give.
In this case, Mary could define herself as something like, “I’m a mother who is also caring for my elderly parents. To help me handle this stress, I take 3 mins every morning to meditate and I draw on Sunday evenings.
You might be thinking, “I can do more than that!” - that’s great! However, this happens to be the right fit for Mary.
But see why that’s cool?
You get to define the right fit for you.
Maybe you’re like Mary but have help from someone or simply have more spoons than her?
Maybe your definition is something like, “I’m a mother who is also caring for my elderly parents. To help me handle this stress, I get a workout in three times a week and make sure I work on some personal art for 4 hours a week.”
Do you see what both “Marys” have in common?
Both definitions cut out things they can’t or don’t want to do by listing what they WILL do. Instead of feeling guilty, less than, or lazy, Mary can think, “just not in the plan this year. Moving on!”
Some follow up thoughts.
• “It’s not part of who I am this year” - this part is very important. You are allowed to change the definition of yourself at any point. Did something big change? Change your definition. Goal met? Change your definition. Your definition is meant to serve you and help you filter out the unnecessary things.
• Include your “why” - All definitions contain the reason for the actions: “To help me handle this stress” or “works out to benefit my mental health so I can make more art”. Having this part is very important to keeping you on track. I know that if I don’t exercise, my mental health suffers, and then my art suffers. Having that part in my definition helps me not blow it off as “extra”.
• “Things I can’t or don’t want to do” - Sometimes it really sucks to have to admit you simply can’t do something. Sometimes, we feel guilty saying, “but I don’t want to do that.” However, doing both is important.
Here are two easy examples:
1. I want to be able to lift heavy weights five times a week. My elbows and knees can do it three times a week right now. I lift three times a week.
2. I want to be able to sketch daily. Right now, my puppy is an absolute horror when I want to sketch (evenings). Since my mornings are my workout time, my day job is client work, and the puppy is a nightmare in the evening, I haven’t been able to sketch much because I’m not willing to lose a morning workout. This is okay. He’ll outgrow his teenager phase, and my evenings will - eventually - be calmer. So right now, sketching frequently isn’t in my definition of myself. This will change when he’s older.
Let’s do a harder one now with Mary.
“I can’t participate in any monthly drawing challenges this year.”
Ouch! That’s probably stung a few people, but here’s Mary’s definition again.
“I’m a mother who is also caring for my elderly parents. I take 3 mins every morning to meditate for myself and I draw on Sunday evenings.”
Inktober, Mermay, Junicorn, etc - they aren’t in the plan this year. Maybe she’ll do every Sun? Maybe not? But it definitely won’t be a full month’s worth.
And this is 100% okay.
Mary has defined herself. She has set her parameters, and is sticking to them. Perfection!
In conclusion…
We are told from a million different sources what we should or shouldn’t be doing. By taking time to define ourselves, we can filter out the things we don’t want in our lives by focusing on the things we do want in our lives.
Lots of love!
Sarah
Written by Sarah Dahlinger
Discussed by Sarah Dahlinger and Sarah Forde